Stepmom refuses to take her 13 an 11-year-old stepdaughters to Disneyland without their dad because she cant trust they’ll listen to her and won't wander off

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  Woman sitting on a couch holding her head with a stressed expression.

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• Step parenting sounds fun and easy, it isn’t. I’m kidding, what it does sound like is a process that comes with a powerlessness that nobody prepares you for. You are responsible enough to be blamed if something goes wrong, but not recognized enough to actually stop it from happening. You're not my mom is not just something kids say to be difficult. It is a functional description of the authority structure in the room, and it matters a lot more when you are trying to keep track of two preteens and a three-year-old across 500 acres of organized chaos.

• AIO for refusing to take my stepkids on vacation without their dad?

  

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  Woman sitting on a couch with her hand on her forehead, appearing tired.

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• The Walmart situation says everything. One kid disappeared in a familiar store in a familiar city with no toddler in the mix, and it was still terrifying. Disneyland is a completely different scale of crowded, loud, and overwhelming, and the stakes of losing someone there are considerably higher than the makeup aisle at Walmart.

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• The part that is genuinely maddening is how the responsibility gets distributed in these conversations. Both the dad and the biological mom think the trip should happen. Both of them have real authority over these kids. Neither of them is going. The person with the least standing in this family is the one being asked to absorb all the risk and just trust that this time the girls will stay with the group because they promised.

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• Pre-trip promises from preteens are sweet. They are also not a safety plan.

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• Knowing what you can and cannot handle is not a character flaw, and it is definitely not punishment. The girls being upset about missing a fun trip is real and valid, and it also has nothing to do with whether this is actually a good idea. Dad can take time off work, or everyone can wait for a trip where the adults who actually hold authority over these kids are present. Disneyland is not going anywhere.

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