Soccer coach kicks 13-year-old player off the team after his mother screamed at him for benching her son: 'I pulled Tyler from the roster the next day.'

3 months ago 28

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  • A young man sitting on the ground with a soccer ball

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong for kicking a kid off my team mid-season after his parents tried to get me fired?

    I coach a U14 rec league soccer team, been doing it for 6 years now. This season I have a pretty solid group of kids, mostly good energy, no real drama until about a month ago.

  • One of my players, lets call him Tyler, started missing practices without notice. No texts, no calls, nothing.

  • I pull him aside after he shows up to a game like nothing happened and just tell him that communication matters and if something comes up his parents need to let me know.

  • Next thing I know I get a call from the league coordinator saying Tylers mom filed a complaint against me for "singling out her son" and "creating a hostile environment".

  • She also apparently told some other parents I scream at kids during practice which is just not true, like not even close to true.

  • The coordinator watched one of our sessions and cleared me completely, said everything looked fine. After that I sat with it for a week trying to be the bigger person.

  • But then Tyler missed two more practices with zero communication again and showed up to the next game expecting to start.

  • A young man kicking a soccer ball on a field

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told him he'd be coming off the bench and his mom absolutely lost it on the sideline, yelling loud enough that younger kids on the adjacent field were looking over.

  • A group of young children playing a game of soccer

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I pulled Tyler from the roster the next day. Some of the other parents think i overreacted and that I should've given the family more chances.

  • If the other parents think that, then they have probably been lied to by this mother. She's clearly good at stirring up lies and narratives that make her look like the victim! The parents also might be sympathetic towards Tyler, which I totally understand. He's not old enough to drive, so he can't control whether and how he gets to practice. He's being punished for his mother's bad behavior, which should be a wake-up call for her to get her act together and take him to practice, but I have a feeling she's not the type to internalize things like this. 

  • A few of the coaches I know said they wouldve done the same thing. Honestly still not sure if I handled the end part right.

  • LegalTea9721 NTA, my school had us sign a conduct contract when we joined a school sport and our parents did too, after 3 unexcused or explained misses, we'd be benched and have a meeting with us,coach and parents, then if it happened again we'd be kicked off the team.

  • Kirito9Asuna Original Poster's Reply That's kinda what I wish we had in writing. Rec league is looser, but 3 no-shows w/ zero texts is still wild. Might push the league to add a simple attendance/code form.

  • Itchy-Treat-5101 Nah I coach little kids too and once a parent goes nuclear + tries to get you fired, it's kinda done. The missed practices are one thing, but the sideline meltdown? In front of other kids? That's a vibe ki er for the whole team. Rec league is supposed to be chill.

  • Kirito9Asuna Original Poster's Reply Totally. No-shows I can work with if they communicate. The sideline blowup was the dealbreaker, kids were staring. Rec is chill, not a soap opera.

  • Training-Link-9830 Lowkey feel bad for Tyler tbh, but you can't run a team where attendance doesn't matter and parents are starting smear campaigns. That's chaos. You even gave it a week to cool off. At some point you gotta protect the team energy.

  • Kirito9Asuna Original Poster's Reply I do feel for Tyler, but the no-shows + his mom going nuclear made it imposible. Gave him a week, still missed. Can't teach 13 kids rules don't matter.

  • CalGoldenBear55 You miss practice, you don't play.

  • No-Machine-8013 Coached kids soccer in the 1980s and 1990s. Stopped coaching, not because the kids didn't show up and expect to play, but because the parents were insufferable. Not for me, not for Joe!

  • This comment is so interesting because most of us have this conception that contemporary parents of young athletes are uniquely insufferable. The youth sports industry has grown huge and profitable over the past couple of decades, and it seems to attract the worst parents. Anyone delusional enough to think that enough money will buy their kid a spot in the MLB or NBA is probably delusional in other aspects of their life. They think their kid is way better than they are, and will let the coach and everyone else know it. That's not even exclusive to parents of kids in travel sports: this personality type can be found among the parents of every youth sports team in the country! The fact that anyone coaches youth sports at all is a miracle. If you're one of the parents who doesn't throw a fit on the sidelines, you are a mensch.

  • Far-Junket7271 NTA, u surely didn't kick the kid off because of the kid itself, u did it because his parents are a literal liability. You just matched her energy by removing the problem.

  • Confident-Brief984 But why are they keeping their kid in, if they are so unhappy with the coach?

  • Aggravating-Sock6502 NTJ, and while it stinks for Tyler, his mom sounds like the unhinged Karen type who would file a bogus lawsuit because her precious baby isn't getting preferential treatment. Not like a judge would rule in her favor, but OP doesn't need that kind of stress in their life. Best to cut that vine before it strangles OP, the team, and the whole league.

  • Ok_Builder8052 Totally, conduct contracts or not, repeated unexcused absences can't just slide. Kicking him after warnings is fair.

  • ReasonableUnicorn89 Of course the kid was singled out. He was the only one missing practice without communication. Why talk to all when only one is guilty? Every team I ever played on and every team my kids played on had the same rules. Miss practice, sit on the bench.

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