‘Problem is my life has changed’: Parents paid for home renovations in 2018 and still demand to use basement as their own, but the couple needs the space back for work and family

4 months ago 35

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  • Man standing alone indoors, looking out through a glass balcony door

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Parents helped us renovate house if we gave them basement to use when they visit - life has changed

    My wife and I bought a house back in 2018. Fixer upper but made updates along the way.

  • It’s not about being ungrateful, it’s about the reality of changing needs. The basement is no longer just a guest room, it’s a vital part of the home. The parents’ regret over their move and their desire to spend time with grandkids adds another layer, but the couple has to think about their own comfort and future. The solution isn’t about cutting ties, it’s about setting new boundaries and finding a compromise that works for everyone.

  • During Covid my parents who lived locally got a condo in Florida and decided to move their full time.

  • My dad wanted a home base still here in our state since his mom and sisters live here so he offered us money to renovate our kitchen, master bath and basement if we agreed to let them move their bedroom furniture into the basement and use it as an apartment when they visit.

  • There is not a separate entrance it's part of the house. Fast forward to present day, they are visiting often and every time they book a trip it's 10 days minimum which is getting to bother my wife and I.

  • They were asking for 2 weeks but I told them 10 days max. We now have two kids both 4 years old so they want to spend time with the grandkids and honestly are pretty easy when they're here, they help out, clean and we all get along.

  • Silhouetted man facing a window, overlooking trees outside

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The conversation won’t be easy, but it’s necessary. The couple wants to be fair, even offering to pay back part of the renovation cost, but the main goal is to regain control of their home. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the logistics, it’s the emotional weight of asking for something back after years of goodwill. The real challenge is balancing gratitude with the need to move forward.

  • Problem is my life has changed. My wife and I both work from home and we need every inch of the house with the twins.

  • They still consider the basement, especially the bedroom down in the basement "theirs". I get it, they paid for it but my wife and I were in a much different situation back then.

  • Now I've bee promoted to a VP and don't have a local office to go

  • I need their basement bedroom for my office and don't have anywhere else to go In the house.

  • When they visit it's a pain getting them to wake up and out of the basement before I start jumping on conference calls.

  • Just a tough situation because I have a great relationship with my parents. They will definitely be upset, especially my dad since he regrets his move and misses his grandkids.

  • I want to tell them while we're extremely thankful for their $$ at the time that but I need the bedroom as a full time office and when they stays overnight it would have to be weekends and a hotel or another family members house during the week.

  • I'd even agree to pay back (half?) the money even though it's been 6 years of this.

  • The thing that screams out how entitled and self-centered these parents are, to me, is that although we all should know by now that mixing finances and family isn't the best of ideas, accepting help from anyone in your family, wether its realtives, siblings, and especially parents, shouldn't be like signing an eternal deal with the devil. The opposite is true, your parents should be people rooting for your success and development. They should be happy you're moving up in the world. promoted, starting a family, whatever it may be. And if the obstacle to success is their obsession with basement use? Well, I for one think, they should just act like parents should, drop the obsession, remove the obstacle, and rejoice with their kid on his new adventure or era.

  • Just want control of our house back and don't want to see my wife feel uncomfortable with these long visits... any advice?

  • CrystalizedinCali Sounds like two issues 1. Long visits that you don't like no matter the WFH issue, do they bother you or just your wife? 2. You need an office for WFH I mean there's no way to have the conversation where they're not going to be upset. They are rightly going to be upset. Are they reasonable aka could you present it as something you need to troubleshoot together as a group (angling the WFH office of course)? With your VP money and the money you saved since they paid for this very

  • Massive_Material_408 Original Poster's Reply Agree it's two issues. 1. My wife feels like she doesn't have control of the house (they don't give much of a heads up) but loves my parents. They get along great. Shes also WFH without an office when they're here too so it makes her day tougher. The length of the stays are starting to bother me too but only because the new job requires more focus and meetings. On top of that, just tough hosting anyone for 10 days in your home. I'd be happy to offer a

  • DC1010 "Dad, you hate Florida and miss the kids when you're there. You're here far more than a couple of weeks out of the year. Why don't you and mom find a condo or senior apartment here and move back?"

  • Massive_Material_408 Original Poster's Reply We tried. My mom has no interest in coming back even part time.

  • Shortestbreath You pay back 100% of the money they invested or you stick to the deal. YTA

  • la_descente Till then, do you have a back yard ? What about an office shed? Not one of the cheap ones, they build real nice ones people convert into little home studios all the time. Would help with letting the parents stay and babysit while yall work.

  • justbrowzingthru Get a room at a coworking space nearby when they are in town. That way you don't have to worry about parents or kids interrupting. And when they aren't there, you can work from home. Probably the easiest until you can pay your folks back or get a bigger place.

  • New_in_ND If you don't want to honor your agreement, you need to pay the money back.

  • CSIFanfiction If I was in your shoes I'd ask my company to expense a rented workspace for you outside your house. If you're VP, I don't think that's unreasonable.

  • hurtsdunnit YTA, pay your parents back and quit whining.

  • Individual_Ebb3219 Simple, pay them back what they paid and tell them it is no longer available to them.

  • JF2882 You can have a storage container turned into an office for 10k for a nice one..

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