Mom invites a mom who just moved to town to her neighborhood group chat, then kicks her out for being too green immediately after the 1st playdate: 'I’m not interested in a friendship with people who lack basic manners.'

2 months ago 21

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  • A group of mom friends drinking tea and talking together while their kids play in another room

    A group of mom friends is drinking tea and talking together while their kids play in another room.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Is suburban gatekeeping always this unhinged? Invited to join a private mom group, only to be removed for being "too new" the second I left the playdate.

    I recently moved to a new city and have been trying to meet other moms. I introduced myself in a large local community group and a woman ("K") messaged me privately.

  • She was super "warm," sent heart emojis, and invited me to join a smaller, private neighborhood WhatsApp group that was having a potluck at the park.

  • I didn't know these women at all, but I wanted to be a good neighbor. I showed up to the park, brought food for the group, and spent about an hour chatting.

  • Young black woman and blonde Caucasian girl with glasses having a chat during outdoor party by the food table

    Two moms talk at an outdoor potluck in the park.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I ended up leaving a bit early because my toddler was hitting his limit. A few hours after I left, I got a notification that I've been removed from the group.

  •  "Our group consists of people who are close friends and some of the members feel a bit hesitant sharing those depths with someone they don't know personally.

  • I hope you can understand." I am honestly floored. "K" reached out and recruited me from a public group, but then the women decided I was a "stranger" the moment the potluck was over?

  • "K" didn't even have the backbone to reach out or apologize. I find this whole thing incredibly weird and inhospitable.

  • It's such an unusual way to treat a new neighbor. I've already reached out to the woman who invited me to let her know how embarrassing and weirded-out this experience left me, and that I'm not interested in a friendship with people who lack basic manners.

  • Has anyone else encountered this level of suburban gatekeeping?

  • Aerial view of house village

    An aerial view of a suburban neighborhood where every house looks alike, and certain people are excluded. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Realistic_Ask6829 I'm so pleased that you reached out to k afterwards! People should be called out for their weird behaviour, even if it wasn't K directly, (and I do feel bad for her if it wasn't) this is wild behaviour! I'm so sick of people being unbelievably ride and not recieving any kind of backlash because we've been told to be polite at all costs. I'm also sad that you didn't get a chance to make connections in this group, keeping my fingers crossed that you'll find much, much better ones

  • ThoughtFrosty11 Original Poster's Reply I don't think it was K but clearly she has zero backbone. She should have at least reached out to me to apologize for putting me in such an embarrassing situation.

  • Bella8811 . Is there any chance that this group of women are religious, and sniffed out that you weren't part of that church/religion? That's seriously weird behaviour. Horrible that you're on the receiving end of it but they sound like a nightmare.

  • ThoughtFrosty11 Original Poster's Reply I don't think it's that. I forgot to mention that after the potluck, but before I got kicked out, some of the women including "K" said they would be interested to meet up for a play date next week. But obviously that's not happening now!

  • Big_P4U Are you sure that she's even aware? It's possible the admin didn't even bother to tell K

  • ThoughtFrosty11 Original Poster's Reply It's a WhatsApp group so she would have seen that the admin removed me

  • Spy_cut_eye You and I are completely on the same page. I don't really get OP's over the top response, nor the similar response of most of the comments on this thread. Joining a new community isn't always easy. I think it will be hard to make friends if they aren't willing to give each other grace.

  • ThoughtFrosty11 Original Poster's Reply It's the fact that I made an effort to go to their potluck and brought food for everyone because K invited me (I even wrote what dish I was planning to bring in the group chat) and then I got booted just a couple hours later. So I actually met these people in real life. It was embarrassing and K never reached out to me. I don't appreciate being put in that situation. I don't think feeling embarrassed is over the top.

  •  K added OP, OP joined the chat, and then the admin removed OP and said it was meant to be their special close-knit group. She was obviously in the chat for a while and wasn't booted until she'd alrea

  • ThoughtFrosty 11 Original Poster's Reply Exactly I even wrote what dish I was planning to bring to the potluck! I met everyone in real life. They obviously expected me to be there. Then I got booted just a couple of hours later without even an apology for putting me in that situation in the first place.

  • sraydenk They may be willing (or excited even) to hand out with you, but don't want you in the group chat. If this is an established group that is very close, they may have very personal discussion a in that chat. I can understand not wanting a stranger in the chat, but also still wanting to befriend that person.

  • ThoughtFrosty 11 Original Poster's Reply I don't mind people having private group chats but obviously it's not being managed very well and I don't want to be part of that type of circle

  • Cluelessish I don't quite understand why so many here are saying that the moms are somehow mean. To me it sounds like "K" asked OP to join the group without checking with any of the others. Everyone was nice to OP at the meeting, and she got an explanation from the admin on why she was removed from the chat. I completely understand if a tight-knit group of friends don't want a stranger to join their group, where they maybe talk about very personal things. K messed up, and should have explained i

  • ThoughtFrosty11 Original Poster's Reply They should have told me that before I went to the potluck. It's embarrassing to get the boot just a couple hours after meeting everyone in real life. I can't imagine doing that to someone. I am more annoyed with K though. And the fact that nobody has offered an apology.

  • PMmeDeepThoughts I live in the burbs and I have not experienced this. I think, stay open to meeting other moms and realize that we all have our own busy families and friends stuff usually comes second to that. Also, we're all going through tough sh. know when I was going through some horrendous sh last year, I didn't want to share with anyone new. It would just take to long to tell everyone everything lol.

  • ThoughtFrosty11 Original Poster's Reply I'm also busy and work full time. I just don't have the energy or time to deal with stuff like this. I already put in the energy to go to their potluck so I feel like that was time wasted I could be doing something else.

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