Dad confronts once high-achieving daughter, who becomes committed only to marrying a billionaire, tanks her studies, chases rich older men, and breaks down when he tells her it is unrealistic

2 months ago 18

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  • Young woman in a striped sweater sitting on a wooden floor, leaning against her knees and looking at the camera.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for telling my daughter that she is not going to marry a billionaire?

    I (47M) have a bit of a problem. I have a daughter (20 F), and my wife is 46F.

  • She isn't my daughter's biological mother, but has been in her life since she was 13 years old.

  • Her mother and I divorced when she was 12 due to her alcoholism. For about a year now, my daughter has got it in her head that she'll marry a billionaire, and that it will be the only way that she can be happy in this life.

  • I can only speculate that she has got this idea from social media. She's not doing great in school at the moment, and all she talks about it marrying a billionaire, how she thinks she can meet one, what type of house they'll have, how she'll be in a private jet, etc.

  • And she is trying to take the steps to make this happen, which has me worried.

  • I've found out that she has, for example, spent time in hotel lobbies/bars, having a drink, trying to pick up older guys.

  • Man resting his head on his hand, looking off to the side with a pensive expression.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This story is a painful reminder of what social media consumption can do to a young individual’s brain. A smart young woman falls into the high-value man pipeline, where every video screams that love is for idiots and the only non-embarrassing outcome is a ring funded by offshore accounts. She studies the content like exam material, takes notes, and comes out fully convinced that dating anyone who is not absurdly rich is basically self-harm.

  • Mind you, we do not come from poverty, and she has never experienced financial insecurity. But we are definitely not billionaires.

  • My wife has a brother who is very well off, and my daughter has actively tried to get closer to him and his family in the pursuit of wealth.

  • It got to the point where she ended up sharing selfies from the family house on social media, and now she's not allowed in there anymore due to the violation of their privacy.

  • Young woman lying on a rug with her chin resting on her hands, looking calmly at the camera.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She has pulled similar stunts with other friends and family who have even a bit of a more lavish lifestyle.

  • She also has tried to message some of my own work associated who are in a more 'glamorous' position at work than I am, and I had to find out from them after they shared what my daughter had been sending them on LinkedIn, out of all platforms.

  • She had been sending suggestive stuff to them, and asked one of them to buy her fancy Jewelry.

  • From there, everything starts to tilt. School slides. Sleep schedule collapses. Every older guy in a lobby becomes a potential exit strategy from regular life. She is not flirting for fun. She is networking for her imaginary portfolio.

  • Young woman in a striped sweater lying on a wooden floor, looking upward with a relaxed expression.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My daughter isn't stupid. She always has done well in school until recently (her performance is very bad at the moment), got into a good university, and is proficient in multiple languages.

  • She also wrote a book when she was 16, and made it quite successful even. But something has happened that has made her so obsessed with money, and I have no idea what it is.

  • She is temporarily staying with us for some weeks as shes looking for a new apartment, and for the past 4-5 days, this entire thing has had her so depr sed that she hasn't got out of her bed, and keeps crying out because she doesn't have a billionaire boyfriend/husband and has to stay in places that are not as glamorous as she'd like.

  • She cries like someone has d d, and it sounds like intense grief. Every morning, we wake up to her sobbing in her room.

  • I've tried talking to her, and have tried the loving approach of comforting her, and telling her that one day she'll find someone who loves her as much as I do.

  • It hasn't been good enough, and she'll say nasty things like "Yeah but he'll probably be broke so I don't care".

  • I then took a more direct approach and told her that there's only a very tiny fraction of the world's population who are billionaires, and most of them tend to marry each other (or are married already), so the statistical odds of this billionaire romance happening for her are practically zero.

  • My wife thought I was being an ahle by being so direct with her, and that "I didn't have to ruin it for her like that".

  • She tried defending her by saying that my daughter is still young, and that I should allow her to have her fantasies.

  • But I just don't agree. Everyone can dream, sure, but the fact that she has already violated the boundaries of multiple people, and that this situation is getting so on top of her that it's affecting her academic performance, means that something needs to be done.

  • What really breaks the gears is that this is not just fantasy. She is paying to be coached into it. Some influencer in another country is cashing 500 euro transfers from girls who are desperate to become aspirational content instead of actual people. They are sold a mindset that sounds empowering, but still boils down to training yourself to be decorative and dependent, just with better lighting.

  • This cannot be healthy in the long term. Plus her trying to talk to much older men is just dangerous, and I really worry that she's going to end up hurt.

  • So AITAH for this approach? Edit: I've reached out to therapists, and I'm also going through my daughter's social media at the moment, which is all public.

  • I am trying to find any glaring red flags that may put her in danger. Will update later.

  • Thanks everyone for your suggestions aside from those who just provided a list of ways to marry rich.

  • What happened to love? As someone pointed out, yes, love alone does not pay the bills, but what is so wrong with looking for a partner that has a stable income doing what they love?

  • Stability is not only found in the riches. Why does this person even have to be incredibly rich?

  • Maybe I am just being a weird old person here, but I am honestly astounded that this attitude is so common these days.

  • I feel bad for the tiktok generation. Edit/update: It hasn't been many hours since my initial post but I am honestly trying to process everything, and I think writing this will help me.

  • So it's Sunday, so there has been 0 response from the medical professionals I contacted. No updates there.

  • If my daughter wants to go to therapy, I will 100% support it, and pay for it.

  • Speaking of, many people here have blamed me for enabling my daughter. I am not quite sure how to feel about it yet.

  • I have paid for her studies, her rent, and travel in case if she wants to go abroad to see her cousin who she is close with (and who I believe is an excellent wonderful role model, she's a successful woman who I think my daughter should definitely look up to).

  • I do not pay for my daughter's luxuries. She has asked for me to get her designer things and trips to places like Monaco previously, and I've told her that she needs to get a job as a tutor or something similar if she wants fancy things, because she needs to understand the value of money.

  • I have however bought her luxuries like an iPhone, a tablet, and a Macbook, but with the condition that she uses them to improve her life (i.e., using them at university to complete assignments).

  • So, I have some things to share now that I feel may be relevant. One was that I did a thorough check of her TikTok and Instagram.

  • She had multiple profiles, but she always followed herself, so I managed to find those. And yes, she had reposted some alarming content from various female influencers.

  • A lot of them surprisingly were rather misogynistic, just packaged in a glamorous way. Lots of women saying things like "A rich man will choose a poor but skinny waitress instead of an overweight CEO".

  • She had been actively reposting content of women's shopping hauls of what their rich boyfriend/husband

  • Lots of stuff about how men cannot love, and how women should look like to get a rich guy.

  • There are some videos she liked to repost in particular where a woman just screams at her camera, telling her viewers to "wake up" and "stop dating brokies".

  • Just horrible toxic stuff that will rot your brain. She also had posts of her own from expensive restaurants among other places where I can only assume guys had taken her out on dates.

  • And I don't mean a 60€ steakhouse. I mean restaurants where they serve 11 course meals can cost at least 200€ per person.

  • As she's not employed, I know for sure she's not paying for that herself. She also had a post where she explained, alarmingly, that women who want a handsome guy are "trashy" because real "high-value" (as she called it) women go for a man's resources, not looks.

  • It was absolutely bizarre seeing her talk like that. Then there was something even more alarming.

  • She had written a post that implied she's subscribed to some course that is supposed to make her rich and famous.

  • Some "content creator club". Basically, as I understood it, she had paid 500€ out of her savings/the money I had given her to some Russian creator whose entire online persona revolves around men taking her to ski to St Moritz and how she spent 20k on her plastic surgeries aka "glow up".

  • The 500€ went to coaching sessions with said creator where she was teaching my daughter the tricks to make money on social media.

  • It sounded like a giant scam, in all honesty. The woman seemed rather crappy as well, proudly accepting big amounts of money from desperate girls. who wanted to be famous/rich.

  • How do I know this? My daughter had several posts about it, that were all set to public (which is no longer the case, as I've asked her to make her social media private, which she thankfully has agreed to).

  • Anyway. Then came the talk. I finally spoke to my daughter. I told her that first and foremost, she's an adult and gets to make adult choices, and whatever she does, and whoever she dates, is up to her.

  • That said, I told her that I was concerned about her. I tried to gently ask what kind of guys she goes on dates with, and that of course she doesn't have to tell me, but if we can have an open dialogue, I think it would make both of us feel better.

  • She did end up admitting that she goes out with much older guys, who are between 30 and 60 years old.

  • The rich guy crush at university finishes the job. Her friend becomes the one chosen by The Heir, and suddenly it is not just about envy. It is grief for a life she never had but fully storyboarded in her head. The relationship she watches from the outside becomes proof that she lost the only path that counted.

  • As a dad, as much as I felt grossed out, I wanted her to feel safe to tell me, as if anything ever happens, she can come to me.

  • I asked her why she's so keen on having a much older rich guy, and what that may bring in her life that she doesn't already have.

  • She just mentioned the private jet, shopping trips, a big house. I told her that while those things certainly can be fun, it's not worth risking her autonomy and education for that stuff, particularly because the chance that she'll end up with someone who will financially ab e her is quite high.

  • Well, she sort of just thought she's too smart to be taken advantage of. Go figure.

  • I brought up a lot of bad things that can happen, and asked if she had read anything about the E-files.

  • She hadn't. I told her that there are numerous of reports of women and girls ending up in really bad situations.

  • It went right over her head as well. I then asked why she had been sobbing, if she feels depr sed, etc, and she finally broke down in tears again.

  • I asked if something had happened that she didn't want to tell me about, and she said yes.

  • So the dad finally cracks and says the quiet math out loud. Billionaires are rare. Most marry each other. The odds are microscopic. To him, that is realism. To her, it sounds like someone smashing the last piece of hope she has left.

  • I froze. I thought of the worst that a dad can think of, and contemplated to go and grab a baseball bat.

  • But nope, it was something different. She sobbed for good 15 minutes without being able to say a word, but I patiently waited until she could.

  • She told me that around a year ago, her and her friend snuck to a party together in one of these fancy hotels.

  • Her friend apparently is also into the whole "provider man" dating trend. They had fun, had some food and drinks there, and according to my daughter, "all the men were only into her friend", and a guy she had been eyeing for the whole night ended up asking for her friend's number instead.

  • This then repeated multiple times over several months, where her friend would get approached instead of her.

  • Then a little later, the girls found out that there actually was some guy who was a few years older at the university, in their program, who actually was the son of a multi-millionaire.

  • It became a huge fight between my daughter and her friend where they began both trying to get the guy.

  • This girl, who my daughter thought was her friend, started then spreading nasty rumors about my daughter, and also had tried sabotaging her weight loss, as my daughter has always struggled with her weight.

  • Her now former friend is now in a serious relationship with this guy, and as a result, my daughter feels like she was "robbed" of a potentially good future with him.

  • She also said that she feels so jealous all the time of her friend that it's consuming her.

  • I was a bit confused. That was all? I even asked my daughter multiple times that this was all that happened, and that no one had ever done anything to her against her consent, but no, that wasn't the case.

  • She even went as far as to tell me that she's not even active, if you know what I mean.

  • Sure, bu ying can be traumatic, but my daughter's reaction still seems indicative of something else. She wants to continue at the university, and has told me she will try again to pass some of the courses she hasn't passed yet, but doesn't seem to take it as seriously as she probably should.

  • So all in all, not sure where to go from here. My daughter has thankfully agreed to speak to a therapist.

  •  Daughter is fr king out because she's worried she won't ever be married to a billionaire.

  • This is what makes the whole thing so bleak and darkly funny. A generation raised on girlboss slogans ended up here. Not building their own stability. Not chasing work they care about. Just crying in their childhood bedrooms because a stranger on a yacht did not materialize on schedule.

  • Her social media is alarming, filled with content that I wasn't super happy to see. Wouldn't tell me what's wrong, then finally broke down that it's all because her friend stole a rich guy from her that she had a crush on.

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