24-year-old husband forces 23-year-old wife to cover all the bills from her paycheck, spends his money on whatever he pleases, while draining their savings

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• Am I the bad guy for withdrawing our entire bank balance because my husband says his paycheck is “his” and mine is for bills?

  

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• Notice that she says "his 401K" instead of "our 401K." I'm all for keeping old investment accounts from before you were married, but having such rigid boundaries between "his money" and "her money" isn't good for your marriage. At this point, she's the one who is fully supporting the family financially, and he's saving for "his" future. If he wanted to save for their future, he would let her have access to their savings. Part of me wonders if this money is actually going to his savings at all, or if he's using it for more nefarious purposes. If he wants to spend all his money on fun, I am dubious about his proclivity for saving. Maybe he's saving money so he can leave his wife, but that would be foolish, considering he can't support himself and whatever secret habit he has without his wife paying all of the bills.

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  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

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  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

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• This whole situation would be so much easier if they could communicate about money together. It's not as if this woman is spending any cash she gets her hands on! If anything, she's the financially responsible one in the relationship! Even if she wasn't, she deserves a seat at the table when discussing their money. Even if she didn't bring in any income at all and was staying home and raising kids, she deserves a seat at the table. Her husband is convinced his money should be for fun and the future, while she's draining her bank account now to support him. They need to get on an agreed-upon budget with no distinction between "his money" and "her money." It doesn't matter who gets paid first.

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